I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
