he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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