who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
