One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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