he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
