I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
