so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
