I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
