im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
