There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
