Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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