oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
