In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
