Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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