WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
