my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
