Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Found your dick twin last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
