You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
