I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I would ride that face into the sunset
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
