haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
