Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
