You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
