i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
