tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
love makes seman taste better
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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