Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
