just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
