the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
