the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
