not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
