i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
