Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
