Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
