There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
