He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
