dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
