Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
