she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
