Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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