If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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