someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I will pee on everything he values.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
