your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
