What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
