A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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