im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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