Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
