Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
