If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
