my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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