I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
