Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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